When was the last time you were scared shitless?
Have you ever struggled with confidence?
The other day I read Unshakable by Tony Robbins. In the book Warren Buffet’s quote stuck out.
“Be fearful when others are greedy and greedy when others are fearful“
Back in 2009, I dumped money into the market when others were taking money out. Why? They were scared of the recession. At the time of this article, I made 256% off what I invested.
Even though this is some of the best investing advice, but it’s even better life advice.
How often do we hear shit like…
“Take a risk. Don’t get stuck wondering what if?”
And we think… Easy for you to say. Who deals with the consequences? Me.
Is it lack of confidence or being realistic? How does this show up in real life?
- Maybe it’s telling your friend that you like them… but you’re scared that it’ll ruin the friendship.
- Maybe it’s leaving your 9 to 5 to start something new… but you’re scared of ending up on the street.
- Maybe it’s apologizing to someone you cheated on… but you’re scared to look in the mirror, admit that you were wrong, and accept that you were a complete asshole
Think about all those moments. We’re stuck trying to make the best decision. Why? It’s scary making a mistake.
We all know that we need to go balls deep. Take a risk. Fucking live for once.
But the mirror is fucking scary. Not everyone likes what they see. So how do you go from scared to going balls deep? How do we find confidence to do the right thing?
You don’t have to go it alone. I’m going to breakdown how I went balls deep.
I have dated some crazy ass girls.
The most recent one?
She attempted to run me over with a car, snapchat a “pregnancy”, and harassed my friend by emailing her boss that she was sleeping around and stealing money within the company.
Why would anyone do this? Jealousy. DAMN.
For a long time I told my friends stories about my crazy exes. But it wasn’t my first time dating a “crazy” girl. In fact, every time I dated the girl was crazy.
Have you had any situations that happen over and over again? What do we say to ourselves?
“It’s because of (insert external factor here).”
And maybe you’re right. Or is the “real” problem within ourselves?
… but what did that say about myself?
No lie. This sucks ass. The part where you look inside and ask yourself…
- What are you really doing?
- What are you avoiding?
- What is it costing you?
The answers might surprise you.
I wasn’t honest. Despite telling her, I wasn’t ready for a relationship, my actions said different. She wanted more. Even though I didn’t want to hurt her, I didn’t push her away when she initiated sex.
Why was I doing this? I was lonely. I chose to stay comfortable and avoided doing the “right” thing.
It costed my confidence and trust for myself. And it played out in different ways. Why didn’t Refugee Hustle take off? Why couldn’t I ever hit my fitness goals? Because I was constantly doubting myself and my successes.
After a year of this, no wonder why she did all that crazy shit. I continued tell a victim story so people could feel bad for me. And maybe I wasn’t 100% responsible, but do we ever ask how they came into our lives?
Realizing this sucks ass. But wanna know what sucks more?
Telling yourself a victim story and saying… there’s nothing I can do. Do you want to continue to live this way? I didn’t. Fuck playing victim. Time to take responsibility.
Rewrite your story into a responsible one.
Making the big “mistake”
Everyone said… “Don’t talk to her anymore“. And I did exactly that for months.
But my heart kept telling me… take responsibility. How much longer was I going to listen to others about how to live my life… especially my heart says it right? Fuck it. I sent a text.
Let’s meet in K-town at 10 PM. We need to talk. It’s important. No response.
10 PM rolls around. 30 minutes go by. No show.
Maybe I’ll call her. Voicemail. So I spoke from the heart.
“It’s been awhile. I blamed you for a lot, but never looked at myself. I wasn’t honest about how I felt. I didn’t respect how you felt… and it was manipulative. I’m truly sorry for that.”
She never called back.
But it wasn’t about the result or her. It was about making a choice for myself. I chose to take responsibility for shit I fucked up and doing the right thing despite what other people thought.
I chose myself.
Confidence isn’t about being fearless…
It’s about taking action when you’re scared.
Fear is normal. But inaction isn’t okay.
When you wait, you say… I don’t matter or respect myself enough.
But when you take action, you make a choice. I matter. No matter how uncomfortable I feel, it’s my choice to make my life better no matter what happens.
Unconditional love is the key to confidence. So respect yourself. Go balls deep. Double down when you’re scared. Commit to change. Fuck settling for mudda boolshit.
What makes you uncomfortable? How are you going to go balls deep? Let me know in the comments below.
Kill it fam.
PS… Just remember. No matter what. If you feel like you’re alone, don’t. Kevin the Refugee gotchu like pikachu. No matter what happens win or lose, I’ll give you that hug. I’ll show you unconditional love. PALABRA FOO