How to build self confidence in a practical way

When was the last time you were scared shitless?

Have you ever struggled with confidence?

Kevin here.

The other day I read¬†Unshakable¬†by Tony Robbins. In the book Warren Buffet’s quote stuck out.

Be fearful when others are greedy and greedy when others are fearful

Warren Buffet AKA the OG baller

Back in 2009, I dumped money into the market when others were taking money out. Why? They were scared of the recession. At the time of this article, I made 256% off what I invested.

Even though this is some of the best investing advice, but it’s even better life advice.

How often do we hear shit like…

“Take a risk. Don’t get stuck wondering what if?”

And we think…¬†Easy for you to say. Who deals with the consequences? Me.¬†

Is it lack of confidence or being realistic? How does this show up in real life?

  • Maybe it’s telling your friend that you like them… but you’re scared that it’ll ruin the friendship.
  • Maybe it’s leaving your 9 to 5 to start something new… but you’re scared¬†of ending up on the street.
  • Maybe it’s apologizing to someone you cheated on… but you’re scared¬†to look in the mirror, admit that you were wrong, and accept that you were a complete asshole

Think about all those moments. We’re¬†stuck trying to make the¬†best decision. Why? It’s scary making a mistake.


We all know that we need to go balls deep. Take a risk. Fucking live for once.

But the mirror is fucking scary. Not everyone likes what they see. So how do you go from scared to going balls deep? How do we find confidence to do the right thing?

You don’t have to go it alone. I’m going to breakdown how I went balls deep.


I have dated some crazy ass girls.

The most recent one?

She attempted to run me over with a car, snapchat a “pregnancy”, and harassed my friend by emailing her boss that she was sleeping around and stealing money within the company.

Why would anyone do this? Jealousy. DAMN.

It went down something like this

For a long time I told my friends stories about my crazy exes. But it wasn’t my first time dating a “crazy” girl. In fact, every time I dated the girl was crazy.

Have you had any situations that happen over and over again? What do we say to ourselves?

“It’s because of (insert external factor here).”

And maybe you’re right.¬†Or is¬†the “real” problem within ourselves?

… but what did that say about myself?

No lie. This sucks ass. The part where you look inside and ask yourself…

  • What are you really¬†doing?
  • What are you avoiding?
  • What is it costing you?

The answers might surprise you.

I wasn’t honest. Despite telling her,¬†I wasn’t ready for a relationship, my actions said different. She wanted more.¬†Even though I didn’t want to hurt her, I didn’t push her away when she initiated sex.

Why was I doing this? I was lonely.¬†I chose to stay comfortable¬†and avoided doing the “right” thing.¬†

It costed my confidence and trust for myself. And it played out in different ways. Why didn’t Refugee Hustle take off? Why couldn’t I ever hit my fitness goals? Because I was constantly doubting myself and my successes.

After a year of this, no wonder why she did all that crazy shit.¬†I continued tell a victim story so people could feel bad for me. And maybe I wasn’t 100% responsible, but do we ever¬†ask how they came into our lives?

Realizing this sucks ass. But wanna know what sucks more?

Telling yourself a victim story and saying… there’s nothing I can do. Do you want to continue to live this way?¬†I didn’t.¬†Fuck playing victim. Time to take responsibility.

Rewrite your story into a responsible one. 

“It’s this pizza’s fault that I’m fat!”

Making the big “mistake”

Everyone said… “Don’t talk to her anymore“. And I did exactly that for months.

But my heart kept telling me…¬†take responsibility. How much longer was I going to listen to others about how to live my life… especially¬†my heart says it right?¬†Fuck it. I sent a text.

Let’s meet in K-town at 10 PM. We need to talk. It’s important.¬†No response.

10 PM rolls around. 30 minutes go by. No show. 

Maybe I’ll call her. Voicemail.¬†So I spoke from the heart.¬†

It’s been awhile. I blamed you for¬†a lot, but never looked at myself. I wasn’t honest about how I felt. I didn’t respect how you felt… and it was manipulative. I’m truly sorry for that.

She never called back.

No fucks given

But it wasn’t about the result or her. It was about making a choice for myself. I chose¬†to take responsibility for shit I fucked up and doing the right thing despite what other people thought.

I chose myself.

Confidence isn’t about being fearless…

It’s about taking action¬†when you’re scared.

Fear is normal. But inaction isn’t okay.

When you wait, you say… I¬†don’t matter or respect myself enough.

But when you take action, you make a choice. I matter. No matter how uncomfortable I feel, it’s my choice to make my life better no matter what happens.

Unconditional love is¬†the key to confidence. So respect yourself. Go balls deep. Double down when you’re scared. Commit to change. Fuck settling for mudda boolshit.

What makes you uncomfortable? How are you going to go balls deep? Let me know in the comments below.

Kill it fam.


PS… Just remember. No matter what. If you feel like you’re alone, don’t. Kevin the Refugee gotchu like pikachu. No matter what happens win or lose, I’ll give you that hug. I’ll show you unconditional love. PALABRA FOO

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4 thoughts on “How to build self confidence in a practical way

  • June 20, 2017 at 1:53 am

    I wasn’t going to open this email because I have weird feelings of all or most of my taboos. The word ex. I’m not going to make this paragraph to paragraph so I might not make sense. Anyways, I’ve been in 7 relationships. One I cheated on during my first two weeks of Art College. I told my high school ex once. He forgave me. Told him second time and then we broke off during texts. We wished each other to be loved in future. I had him for two years and of sophomore to second week of college. We had our major fight in very first prom. I told him not to hug me or kiss me. He always ran off with his friends. It would have been fine for me but they were always saying things to make him do stuff to me. Like buy her this to be a man. And other stuff. I don’t know the limit of comment so I kept it short… And complicated. Anyways, the bf I cheated on with broke up with me by saying, “Let’s take a break.” He dropped me off and almost had myself commit suicide after my class the next day. Well I didn’t. It was just an idea. I told that ex that I had a boyfriend like so many times. He played around with me when we were supposed to just play video games in my apartment while everyone was gone. So I got stuck and froze when he kissed my shoulder. That was my first time cheating. I told high school ex what had happened but I didn’t tell him that I was being played with… Next cheating time was second week. But I didn’t know it was gonna happen again. I wasn’t innocent af to begin with but I was very gullible. But not too gullible to lead myself in a really big problem. Anyways I told my high school ex it happened again without knowing how to word out again the problem. So I knew the consequence which was breaking up. Still cried like hell. Sorry the comment is going in circle or tangent. Anyways on the day after I drank a lot of alcohol after the day I got dropped off… I didn’t have much in my backpack in class. I just put my face down on my desk and cried quietly… Then this guy who became my eighth boyfriend asked, “Hey, do you know what our hw was last week?” I only looked up and smiled while saying no. We didn’t like each other as friends until seeing each other in every quarter. I confronted him, “are you following me?” he asked the same thing. Like hell I wouldn’t have. I gave no fucks to anyone except myself and small group of people. But skipping to now… I have become much better than I was before. Family, friends, and myself were important to me. Still are. So I did my best to do well in Jumpcut Academy and even outside of enrollment since I had sexual and verbal harassment going on in few jobs before the one I’m in now. Traumatic as fuck so I didn’t work for almost a month in one job and didn’t work for three weeks before my current job. I’ve messaged the support team of JA and hopefully I’m able to come back and pay in a month or two. I’ve found great people in forums there and have gotten better on what I had wanted to do during Art College but got into a lot of situations… Make videos. Since youtube, Myspace, and maplestory were my only sense of community back in 2005. I also want to help people out like Queerion, Michiki, and Pokeeuge. So I for me it’s obvious that I’m going towards my own path like Minecraft. I don’t plan on going back to school since of trauma and I want to be my own mentor for myself first. My Kuya is my mentor but anywho… Thanks for reading and you and others in this site are doing great in helping people!

  • June 20, 2017 at 5:45 pm

    Hey! Do you think pharmacy school would over look that I took Organic chemistry 5 times) I took it and I got an F,F,F,D finally I went to a community college and I got a B+. I took org 2 and got a B. I went too 4 different school(2 community college and 2 University). Finally I graduated with a BS in psychology. I also too Bio 1 3 times. (D, C-, Finally a C+). I took the PCAT and had a 47 composite Bio 46 and Chem 66-composite 47. I am turning 27 this year and applying for Fall 2018. My GPA in the 4 year school where I received my psychology degree was a 2.6. The first community college was 2.9. In the 2 community college 2.8(thats where I took org 1, 2 and Physics 2 which I got a C). I went to a University GPA 2.2).ÔĽŅ


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