What losing your dad feels like

Last week I lost my dad… unexpectedly.

Kevin here.

No lie. This year’s been really rough so far. It’s been like a gang bang for bad luck. Everything is happening all at once.

  • YouTube views aren’t doing too well
  • Cryptocurrency is tanking
  • My dad passed away after we finally had a great relationship
  • I lost my job and have no cash flow

My “luck” is so bad that my mom asked me to go see a Chinese fortune teller.

From the outside, it’s easy to say… Focus on the positive. Look for the opportunity with every obstacle. Focus one step at a time.

But when you’re actually in the situation, setbacks suck ass. I have days when I’m like…

Fuck. So I have to plan out my dad’s funeral, figure out my dad’s estate, take care of my mom, job hunt, and run my business… all while being financially unstable… Why is life treating me like this?!?

I know. It’s the “wrong” way to think. At the end of the day, I need to take responsibility rather than blame external factors. But my amygdala kicks in and the truth is I’m overwhelmed and having an identity crisis.

I can’t help, but ask… 

Am I a fraud? Am I really an “expert” on all these things?

What happens life “shits the bed” and your successful career and financially stability is taken away? Or when you’re stripped from the accomplishments that shape your image?

For the longest time, I’ve always painted this image for being a successful, financial secure, pharmacist with a ratchet side. Right now I’m none of those… minus the ratchet part.

While it’s easy to be like… It’s dad’s fault for not taking care of himself or my employer sucks for letting me go, the truth is that bad things happen to everyone, but it’s our responsibility to successfully deal with any challenges we face.

No lie. It sucks realizing that you might suck or going balls deep with weaknesses, but sucks even more when ignore your weaknesses and never learn to properly deal with them.

Which reminds me about a quote from Ray Dailo’s Principles

Especially during tough times, you just gotta be honest and not sugarcoat bullshit.

Am I really an expert or “the go” for health, wealth, and relationships? And the truth is no.

With a lot of the articles I’ve written recently, I’ve been positioning myself an “expert” investor… which I’m not. I’m not an expert… at least not right now. I’m not the Marcelo Garcia of jiu jitsu, JK films of YouTube, or Warren Buffet for investing.

I’m probably more like an equivalent to a blue belt in jiu jitsu… a world champion blue belt. 

I wasn’t connecting. And it showed. With Refugee Hustle, I noticed fewer views, comments, and emails. After reading a few of my recent articles, I knew I was off. Damn.

In short? Don’t suck your own dick. Ask questions that suck. Basically ask all questions that Kanye never asked after his 808s and Heartbreak album.

And maybe that’s why I had such a hard time writing articles last year. At the beginning of this year, I was going to write a “productivity” article or a quick “3 tips for kick starting the year“.

But honestly I kept scrapping my articles. It didn’t feel right to write clickbait Buzzfeed articles and pretend I’m an expert. That wasn’t me. 

So if I’m not an expert… then what am I good at then?

As I was writing my dad’s eulogy…

The words “be yourself” kept running through my head. Dad always said this, especially near the end of his life. And he embodied this. Most people would consider him a “slob”. 

He didn’t care that his shirts weren’t ironed, his hair wasn’t combed, or the piss stains on his tighty whities (sorry dad to call you out).

But one thing I always admired him for was always speaking his mind regardless what other people thought. He wouldn’t hesistate with doing what was right. My dad was just himself.

So what am I?

Even I’m though I’m not an expert, it doesn’t mean that I can’t help people. That’s when I realized… my mistakes and fuck ups make me more relatable to everyday people than any expert

I’ve been there. Overweight and fat? Check. Dumped and cheated by a girlfriend? Check. Went too YOLO and hit an bank overdraft fee? You bet.

Those experiences sucked ass, but those experiences fueled my motivation to get better, adapt, and make better decisions. For example I can…

When I share stories about my first overdraft fee or how awkward I felt telling my Asian dad “I want to have a better relationship going forward”, it’s helped people have deeper relationships or finally get off their ass to start investing.

Maybe I’m not great at everything, but I’ve accomplished some life problems. To be honest, everyone has. I’m pretty kick ass at is sharing stories that real people can relate with. Humble brag.

When I told my dad “I lost my job”, his answer shocked me

But sometimes reality kicks in. Being honest about mistakes and weaknesses is hardWhy?

You don’t always look good for taking responsibility for your weaknesses and faults. And sometimes people can take advantage of that. Or sometimes it’s just not a good fit.

Even though my dad told me to “be yourself“, it doesn’t pay the bills, help me find a job, or grow my business. When I ended up losing my job, I felt alone. 

To be honest, I don’t know why I contacted my dad about losing my job, but it was just one of those things that felt right. In the past, dad never supported me whether it was discouraging me to study abroad in Hong Kong or not showing up to my high school graduation. 

But sometimes life can surprise you.

“We are with you in every way. Stay positive. I’ve been there. Love you. You are strong, talented, and connected. Just come to us to talk or anything”

Damn. That was unexpected. 

We went from a relationship where I always felt like a fuck up at life to my dad actually believing and supporting me with my dream to leave pharmacy and pursue Refugee Hustle.

My dad was right about a lot of things. I wasn’t smart, talented, or creative. Big props for my dad watching me bomb during my middle school plays.

Maybe he didn’t believe a lot of the time with “what I was doing”, but dad believed in my character… my Refugee Hustle.

No matter how much I sucked, I kept trying to get better. No matter how little I had growing up, I would make the most of everything. In the end, he knew no matter what got in the way, I would rethink shitty situations and find solutions.

Why?

We both knew. Despite putting me through so much hell, I still didn’t give up on our relationship after these 29 years with him.

That’s the Refugee Hustle.

Thank you Dad for giving me the best gifts ever. I love you.

Kevin Yee

Dad. Thank you for bringing me into this world. Of course we've had our differences. You've kicked me out of the house and yelled at me countless number of times. You've taught me all of my life lessons. Everything from helping me with my spiderman tie 🕸️ to teaching me how to drive 🚗 But the biggest lesson I've learned was that you can change ANY relationship with enough effort. People can change. I'll miss our lunches to Bertucci's and playing Mario Kart together. I'll miss the way you would spend 30 minutes at Costco looking for the "perfect" potato chip bag 🥔 I'll even miss the way you yelled at me. And tomorrow, Chris, mom, and I will be there for you as you fade out of this world and go into next. You won't be in pain anymore. I'll take care of mom and fulfill your dream of being a millionaire. Say hi to grandma for me and finally spend the time you always wanted with your dad. It breaks my heart to say this… but I'll see you one day on the other side. I love you. I miss you. Thank you everything. Bye dad. #refugeehustle

A post shared by Kevin Yee, PharmD 😷💉💊 (@kevin_the_refugee) on

Opt In Image

5 thoughts on “What losing your dad feels like

  • January 19, 2018 at 9:07 pm
    Permalink

    What’s up Kevin. This is the first time I’ve read something on Refugee Hustle. Good read. I will continue to read because I’m ready to get off my ass.

    Reply
    • January 30, 2018 at 3:12 am
      Permalink

      Thanks Hoang. Welcome! If you ever want me to talk about a specific topic, feel free to shoot me an email. 🙂

      Reply
    • March 26, 2018 at 6:29 pm
      Permalink

      Awesome Hoang. Thanks for leaving a comment. Much appreciated man.

      Reply
  • January 19, 2018 at 9:27 pm
    Permalink

    Hang in there Kevin! I lost my dad to a stroke! Its been almost 10 years and I still have not yet full gotten over it. But you have to move on through these tough times no matter how hard some days feel. Your dad wants the best for you and for you to live a happy life. Take care amigo!

    -Dan

    Reply
    • January 30, 2018 at 3:12 am
      Permalink

      To be honest man, I don’t think there will be a day where I’ll “get over it”, but with each day I come closer to acceptance. Some days are easier than others, but I just gotta remind myself that at least I got to end things on a “high note” with my dad and that no one lives forever.

      Thanks again man for the kind words!

      -Kevin

      Reply

Leave a Reply

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.