Have you ever told yourself… I need to stop listening to my parents?
I was 20 years old.
Like most college students, I wanted to study abroad. It was competitive with over 100 students applying and only 20 spots.
But after 3 rounds of interviews, I finally got accepted to work at university in Hong Kong.
It was always my dream to study abroad.
Growing up I’ve always been embarrassed about my shitty Cantonese skills. Even though I’m pretty Asian culturally, people assumed that I was white washed.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pJoVBx-P6ok&feature=youtu.be
It annoyed the fuck out of me, so I wanted to improve my Cantonese and fully immerse myself.
… and plus how many more opportunities would I have to travel away from home for 4 months?
Only problem? My dad.
“You shouldn’t go. It’s a waste of money. You’re not going to learn anything. Everything you need is right here at home. I’m not going to help or support you at all. I’m not letting you go.“
It didn’t matter what I said, we just didn’t see the same thing. Then I asked myself…I’m 20 years old. Why the hell am I asking my dad to go to Hong Kong?
“I don’t need your help. I’m going no matter what.”
Don’t mind the yellow ass Air Force Ones
Maybe I was a “bad” Asian son for speaking up, but I knew this was the right decision. My friends and my mom supported me. The people supporting me were the people that mattered.
… even though my Canto sucked less coming back from Hong Kong
Traveling abroad was still one of the best decisions I’ve ever made.
- I over drafted my bank account on eating AYCE sushi so I read books on personal finance.
This Chino Scarface lookin ass
- I was sick of crying over my ex so I read pickup books, approaching women, dating and just had fun at clubs.
I didn’t even buy that champagne. FAKE BALLER
- I just wanted to make the most out of my trip so I did random shit
My first horse racing event
No lie. It’s scary to go against your parents, but if I just listened to my parents wouldn’t have experienced living in Hong Kong… something I’ll remember forever.
I fired my dad that day.
Looking back, my dad wasn’t a bad person; he was doing what he thought was best for me. I’m grateful for my parents getting me to where I am today.
If your parents disagree with you, realize 3 things…
- Your parents mean well.
- There comes a time when only you know what’s best for yourself.
- You don’t need their support
Instead take responsibility and don’t half ass your own dreams, goals, and desires. Reparent yourself.
What sort of things that you want to do, but your parents disagree about? Leave a comment below.
Kevin
PS… My experience in Hong Kong actually brought my dad and I closer. When I came back, I went from disorganized needy kid to an independent adult.
“I was wrong Kevin. Hong Kong was the best thing for you.”
…and my dad never says he’s wrong.
I did the exact same thing. I had the opportunity to study in Asia for a semester when I was 21 and my parents said no because they didn’t want to pay. Said it was a waste of money. I found a scholarship to pay for it and it remains one of the highlights of my life more than a decade later. All the travel and food… NO REGRETS. Only thing I regret was listening to my parents. I had a similar relationship as you. Many times I told my parents they were fired because they are totally unfit for the job. They are not bad people but they make decisions with only their perspective or based on their friends and interests. Which is selfishness in my book. We had a local gym that offered a huge student discount. They said no because it is a waste of time and money. When are you going to work out? In your 20s or 40s? They don’t even know what to do in a gym. So glad I never listened. They are not smarter than us and we are not dumb. #1 lesson: it sucks to be broke. Doesn’t matter which side of the world or which hemisphere. Not being able to eat out and travel abroad felt the same as being broke at home. So —-> never be broke.
Yeah a lot of Asian parents don’t understand. Working out at a park or going out for a run is NOT the same thing as going to the gym and lifting weights. I can’t blame them though. A lot of them came from very little and that thought process helped them out during those times.
But it’s hard for them to realize that they aren’t broke anymore and break those old school habits. Thanks man for sharing
Haha the monthly fee for students was less than $10… and they still said it was too much?! Then mom used to go everyday to walk around the mall with her friends and talk for an hour… that was their ‘exercise’. Grandma used to do this thing that she called in our language “jumping”… she used to run a circuit from the front room to the laundry room, kitchen, bedroom, guest room, garage and back again, a big circle around for house, until she broke a sweat… about 10 mins. Then she would sit on the sofa and say “See… I burned calories, broke a sweat, and exercised my heart, all for free…”. FML, I used to think. How can anyone get buff with that mentality…
I want to leave home! I’m currently in my 2nd year in college and I commute. Yes it’s cheaper but I need space and independence. Granted I’m terrified, but I need the freedom to do the things I want/need to do without having to come home by 8PM at night (which is rediculously illogical as a college student in my opinion). I want to go to campus events and see what kind of person I am and grow for myself. But financially, I’m scared cause I don’t know where the money will come from. Mom understands and will support it (God bless her soul) but dad on the other hand doesn’t. My only option is to either move into the dorms, move universities, OR study abroad (which will never happen). My life sucks cause I don’t know what to do.. and there is my word vomit on life.
I think girls have it a lot harder in Asian families, but I know what you mean. You have the right idea though by focusing on cash flow and solutions out of your house.
Honestly if you’re in college your dad needs to let you do your thing. I’m sure he means well, but I think it’s an important time to just ignore him… if you tried reasoning with him already (good luck with an Asian dad lol).
You have school projects, events, and parties. College is an experience and don’t let anyone take that away from you. When he yells at you, just tune it out or just come home later. Eventually he’ll get used to it.
I dropped Math in 11th Grade because it was was the only subject that I was bad at and I wasn’t doing any courses in university that needed any Math, so I just dropped it. It was a screaming battle between my parents and I until I finally convinced my dad to sign the subject-dropping form. I felt like a great weight had been taken off my back after I handed in that form. I just knew that that’s one less thing to regret for my future self.
Can’t be good at everything. It’s good that you figured out early. Now you can focus on what you’re really good at.
I don’t know what to do…I really want to take film as my major in college but my parents say that they won’t support me. They gave me 2 choices either dentistry or pharmacy because they want me to have a stable job first. How do I convince them to support me?
You can’t and you shouldn’t try to change their mind. Let your results speak for themselves. If you truly believe that you’re good enough, do it. So many times we try to look for support from our parents when they’ve already made their mind. The real question you should be asking yourself is do you think you can do it? If not, why and can you do about it?
“can you get underhanded with the Zithromax?…”
I want to move out I have a lot of money saved up but my mom continues to tell me its a waste of money getting an apartment. She says I should stay and continue to save and buy a house. She has a point because I am paying her a little rent compared to the rates around town. I am saving a lot but I’m getting older and I just want my own space. Same thing with getting a car she thinks its a bad Idea.I always feel like I listen to her and regret not trying or doing what I wanted to do in the first place. How do you deal with parents suggestions when they have good points but you just don’t fully agree with them?
Nothing wrong with that and honestly I encourage you to move out. One day your mom won’t be here. If you’re not going to start adulting now, when are you going to do it?
Part of adulting is standing up for what you think is best for yourself regardless of what other people think. In your mom’s case, I’d just tell her…
“Hey I understand where you’re coming from, but this is what’s best for me. You think I need to save money, but honestly I think I need to grow up and start taking on responsibility”
And who knows? She’s spent all these years taking care of you, maybe she’s having difficulty just letting go. You never know man.
Best of luck and let me know how it goes!